Stealth, Out, and Shame. S.O.S

Listen I know this probably will not come out right, and I want to be clear that throughout this post I am speaking only in generalities, but I am troubled by some of the practices that transpeople undertake in. Most specifically the idea of stealth. I don't like it, I don't think it works, it hurts us as a community of people, and it hurts very young transpeople for whom we are blazing a trail for them to follow.

Let us say the for this post we define stealth as a transgendered person pretending like her pre-transition life never happened. This is to differentiate stealth from passing; more on passing later. Basically as much as possible hide ones birth gender. Activities, accomplishments, hardships, friends, experiences, from before the transperson began the change of gender roles just don't seem to count anymore. Some transpeople go so far as having a funeral and new birthday for themselves.

Now I'm highly opinionated (a joke here is just too easy) and one thing I will argue until I'm hoarse is that people have freedom of choice in their lives. So, do not construe this as a critique, but more as an observation, both from what I have seen in others, but also reflections about how I feel about this issue myself. My point is this: if a person feels the need to hide some aspect of themselves, then on some level she is ashamed of the thing that needs to be hidden, and if the thing that needs to be hidden is a major part of her life, then she is ashamed of herself. I have dealt with this for many years, so my next post will be my story.

First, more on the difference between stealth and passing. By passing I mean on cursory inspection a person looks like the gender they are intending to present as. Passing makes tons of sense to me. The way a person can interact naturally in a gender role is if, and only if, both the actor and perceive believe the the person is in fact the gender they present as. Basically if you want to be treated like a woman/man people have to think you are one. Passing then, is just acting appropriately for a given social role. In drag this is entertainment, for crossdressers it is for fun, for transsexuals this is the truth. As I am a transsexual and I direct this at other transsexuals passing/being the gender roles we need to be is an expression of who we are, and it shares with the world our true natures.

I will not forget that I have over two decades of life and experiences, tears, and laughs, loves, and sufferings that preceded my transition. These experiences are equal in shaping who I am as any other factor in my life, and to pretend they never were is to lie. Passing = truth, stealth = lies! Before I came to accept what I was I spent a long time very angry and self loathing, I was ashamed of my feelings and who I was, so I hid. After I accepted myself I worried what others would think. I would be a freak, and I did not want that. I was ashamed so I hid. As I grow and become more confident in myself I embraced my transition, but I didn't tell my parents or family, because I feared they might abandon me, so I hid. Finally a tipping point and I just said fuck it! Sorry that's just my way.

Now it greatly concerns me that I could someday finish transition, pass effectively and then go back into hiding. It has taken years and struggle and character building to get myself to where I'm at now. Many other transwomen and men have made this journey as well. Why then why, after completing a journey that most people would be terrified of do we as transpeople attempt to act like none of it even happened? WTF

Finally, we cannot fight to take what is rightfully ours, an equal share of human freedom if we pretend as though we do not exist. How many normal and productive transpeople are out there that could show the world that we don't want to eat their delicious delicious brains? More, if we take this fight and win, then all transpeople that come after us might have a little easier road than we did. Goddamn I wish my road had been easier! Don't go into hiding. If you are under a rock in suburbia come OUT we need you. Be OUT, be trans, and be the whole you!

This message brought to you by people who support Alexandria Mason. 501(c)(4)
Alex