Girls Night

So like six friends and I had a girls night last night. it was so much fun, we talked about all kinds of things made fun of each other, shared openly ... and I got to thinking just how much men put women on edge. I have always known that patriarchy makes what men say seem more important or at least drowns out women's opinions, but I was still ignorant as to just the amount of ideas and positions that simply go unvoiced in the presence of men. Is this due to women being under appreciated, or fear of being drown out, what ever the reason there are smart women everywhere that just smile and let men do the talking. I hoe I never do that! Last night was an eye opener and a resurgence in my mind of the importance and necessity of feminism and women's voices.

I think the best place for me to start is with my friends, to encourage my female friends to be more vocal and opinionated ... if we end up being bitches, at least we will be bitches with voices and not the silently oppressed.

Education and activism

I never saw myself as the activist type. One of those people that care so much about an issue that it consumes them to the point where they toss red paint on people wearing fur, picket outside doctors offices, riot at G8 summits, drive tiny little boats in front of whaling ships, or in anyway think tea bagging was political outside frat party politics, yet I seem to be becoming more and more politically active here at MSU. I guess what consumes me is that the life I lead has just so much ignorance surrounding it, that even when people take the time to consider trans issues they only know stereotypes and hateful propaganda. Even when organizations do talk about LGBT issues for tolerance reasons, there is just so many trans type things no one talks about. Oh surgeries and the process of changing from one gender to another, yeah people will talk about that, but the actual lives and experiences of trans people ...... there is just this empty void in the dialogue.
With this in mind I guess my activism is an educational one, where I share my lived experience with others, where I put a face and person next to the category. I began involvement with the MSU LGBT panel discussion group. Basically, when a class, residence hall, organization, or business wants to talk about gay stuff they put in a request and 3-4 people show up to talk about issues and experiences LGBT people have faced. I did my first panel this last Wednesday, and was fairly nervous, not in the answering of their questions, I have done that for lots of people lots of times, but in being the face for an entire group of people not often interacted with by the straight community.
Sure I'm a transgendered bisexual girl, but I wonder if I can really capture and pass on the all the drama, good and bad, that it means to have those labels. I tell myself that if I don't do it then more people will remain ignorant, but I fear that any misstep on my part, any testimony that is unique to me and not transpeople in general, will be what gets associated with all transfolk for the people I talk to. I never really saw myself as an activist, but with so much misinformation out there, even if I stumble it is probably better than nothing at all.
So, as i walked away from my first panel group, I smiled to myself, and hope that in some small way I can make a difference in the world, so that someday I can be an equal citizen in this country that I love, that I am a Veteran of her military to protect freedoms that I currently don't have, that people can see and understand a little bit better why all of us gets to live our lives how we see fit. I don't think I will be tossing paint anytime soon though.

1 year and moving on

okay, so it has been a year since I was divorced. It has been a hard year for me, I'm back at MSU, and actually made a pretty nice group for friends and aquainences. I've started lightly dating, but most of that blows up in my face because I just can't seem to trust people like I used to, like I want to, like I need to to have a meaningful realationship. My return to MSU has reopened my eyes to optimism, and I am launching myself at life again (just watch a history on rocketry and see how many blew up) I am going to commit to adding to this blog once a week. We shall see how life goes from here.

Kira makes little girls cry

So I was visiting my friend Kira in Kansas last week and we decided to go to the amusement park Worlds of Fun while I was there with our other friend Liz. I love rollercoasters so it was a great time. The three of us walk up to the next waiting line behind two tiny girls, they looked like they were 12 but were likely a bit older. As we approached they were facing each other gibbering on as young girls do. The two gave us a cursory glance at our approach their eyes drifted over me and became like saucers; immediately they turned so their backs faced us and began whispering and giggling. To be fair I have no idea what they were talking about. Perhaps they found conservative economic policy as absurdly humorous as I do, but I suspect not. Myself, I have kinda gotten used to this type turn and snicker, my friends however have not, or at least do not have the patience or good humor that I do. Kira invaded their personal bubble standing right behind them staring, more drilling a look of contempt deep into the back of their heads. The whispers ended. She did this the entire time we were in line for the coaster. For 20 minuets Kira beamed hate at the girls and slowly the line moved. As one boards a rollorcoaster there is generally a place to set belongings they one does not wish to be lost during the ride, and it was here Kira came face to face with them. She grinned, almost a Cheshire cat grin, but not so nice. After placing backpacks in a the wooden bin, everyone boarded the coaster. The ride was a blast, I think Liz hit a new octave no human has reached before, but dogs are familiar with. We exited the ride, and Kira ran, not kidding ran to the bin to meet the girls again. With the same mocking grin fixed on them the girls retrieved their things. Kira was holding up the top of the wooden bin, and as soon as the girls had their belongings she dropped the lid slamming it shut. I haven't seen many people run that fast. We had a good laugh was we finished up our day at the park.

I can pass a couple hundred or even a thousand people in a given day, and it only takes one transphobic asshole to ruin my day. Some part of me knows that the small minded are a minority, but I will say it is awful nice when you have friends that will back you up, people to lean on when you need them. I love my friends!!!

Holy Crap I havea blog n shit

Okay quick update then. The last year has been a real bitch FML, but I think I see some light at the end. I have a new apartment I'm moving into on the 23rd and am going back to school for a second bachelors degree. Guess what it is really hard to find a job in this shitty economy with a degree in philosophy, just so you know. SO i guess it is a fresh start for me after all the shit. More rants and exposition on life to come never fear.