Wrong argument

Today I was chatting with a friend of mine about how successful (or unsuccessful) the gay movement has been lately. Like a lot of conversations along these lines we got bogged down for a bit in the choice/not-a-choice debate. So long as this is an issue it slows down the movement; and the problem with it is that it doesn't even matter what the truth of whether or not gayness is a choice even turns out to be.

When I said this he was like, "but if it is not a choice then people need to accept it, because that is just how we are". Yes, this is the traditional logic behind it, and it has caused those who oppose gay civil rights to create less than credible Research (kind of like the stuff the tobacco companies used to come up with) to say that homosexuality is a choice. The response needs to be, "SO WHAT"

A quick review of American civil rights does in fact come up with a list that is dominated by things people generally can not change: race, ethnicity, country of origin, sex (hehe this one is funny to me). Then there is one more. Religion! Now, whatever anyone thinks about ontological claims the various religions claim, one can not miss the fact the people can CHOOSE to be whatever religion they want. In fact, one could be a different religion every day of the week, not that this ever happens. So we are left with a question. What does religion have in common with the other "immutable" characteristics on the list?

Self identity! All of the things that people should not discriminate other by are fundamental components of ones self identity. Even religion, the obvious choice, is still at the core of who some people are. to deny them this, or oppress them for their choice, would be harming a fundamental part of who they are as people. As such, we can see how this is hurtful and wrong.

One only needs to see on pride parade to understand just how fundamental sexuality is to the self identity of the gay community. In fact it is the only thing that separates us from the heteros. As a fundamental part of who we are, oppressing and denying civil rights to the gay community is wrong for the same reason that oppressing Muslims, or Christians would be wrong.

I believe straight folk have a hard time empathising with, and thus supporting, the gay movement because the conversation generally does not turn to those things we have in common, instead focusing far to much on our small differences. Everyone understands self identity, for without it we are not persons. As such, I think we can get more straight folk to understand that, choice or no, opposition to a group of people fighting for their self identity and civil rights is wrong. We need to move the dialogue in a new direction; a direction that will allow more people to understand just what we are doing.

Alexandria

Harry Potter, and the deepening sadness

Okay harry potter came out this weekend, and I'm sure it is a good movie. When the books first came out I thought they were just children's books and did not pay attention for a few years. Jamie however loved them. Because my partner really enjoyed the story I got involved. I stood in line for hours at book release parties, went to see the movies the night they came out, hell I even went as Ron to a Halloween party so the Jamie could be Harmione. Even our cat was named Crookshanks. I ended up liking the story, and we would listen to the books on CD on long car rides, and as background noise for our apartment when going to sleep.

Now, the new movie is out, and I'm no longer with Jamie. I asked her if she wanted to go with me to see it, it could be the start of our friendship after our romantic relationship was over. She said she would think about it, but never called me back. I kinda want to still go, I know I could find someone to go with, it is just that this was something we always did together. Just another reminder that my life is never going to be the same. Better, worse, I don't know, but never the same.

well, life goes on, and I am not too bent out of shape over this, just noticing things are different now. Until next post

Alex

it is a start

today I got up, and went for a run. It is something that I have been meaning to do for some time, but we all know what they say about good intentions. So I just did it. I didn't keep running for the whole 2 miles, but tomorrow is another chance at it. I'm still all messed up inside, this kinda hit me unexpectedly. I guess the one that gets left doesn't always see it coming. Anyway, it gets me out of bed, work off some tummy, and makes me clean myself up for the day. Wow, even the little things like that are hard right now.

I went to see Jamie's parents last night. They were very supportive as I knew they would be. They are great people and I will miss them very much. We talked,cried,and laughed a little bit. Even though J and I were only married 3 years, we were together for 14, and her family was there for that whole time too. I am loosing much more than just one person here.

Later in the night i called Jamie's brother (her only sibling) that I have known since he was 9. He will always be like a little brother to me. Over the last two years Jamie kept talking me out of telling him about me, I wish I would have ignored her. I could tell it was hard on him to get flooded with all this information so fast and over the phone. Oh well can't change the past. He is coming into town in a few weeks and we have plans to grab a beer.

One foot in front of the other for now
Alexandria

what a shitty month

My life has taken a complete dump. three weeks ago I needed to walk out on my job; my boss and very old friend was cheating me out of pay. That influenced a new bout of depression, but I have started therapy on that.

The cat Jamie and I have had for a long time finally lost her struggle with heart disease. Jamie and her mom put her down on Monday. She was 14 and had a good long full life where she met lots of people and had lots of love. 14 years is a good run for a cat.

Things between my wife and I became strained until she just did not want me around anymore. We finally discussed it in a series of talks over three days. What came out of it was that she was just not in love with me anymore, and that I was not, and in some cases was incapable, of meeting her needs anymore. She is a straight woman, and being married to a transsexual was in the end just too hard.

Although, it is a massive blow to me I do understand where she is coming from. She tried very hard to be with me. Although she knew I was trans before we got married, she did not know when we started dating or when we fell in love. The whole thing was really unfair to her. I love her enough that I do not want her to be with me if I, and our relationship, is the cause of so much pain to her.

Now I have no job, no wife, and no direction in my life. What I do have is a whole crapload of paralyzing emotions. I just don't know how to take that next first step. I am sure I will find the path soon, just not today.

Fourteen years is a good run
Alex and Jamie (10 May 1995 - 7 July 2009)