what a shitty month

My life has taken a complete dump. three weeks ago I needed to walk out on my job; my boss and very old friend was cheating me out of pay. That influenced a new bout of depression, but I have started therapy on that.

The cat Jamie and I have had for a long time finally lost her struggle with heart disease. Jamie and her mom put her down on Monday. She was 14 and had a good long full life where she met lots of people and had lots of love. 14 years is a good run for a cat.

Things between my wife and I became strained until she just did not want me around anymore. We finally discussed it in a series of talks over three days. What came out of it was that she was just not in love with me anymore, and that I was not, and in some cases was incapable, of meeting her needs anymore. She is a straight woman, and being married to a transsexual was in the end just too hard.

Although, it is a massive blow to me I do understand where she is coming from. She tried very hard to be with me. Although she knew I was trans before we got married, she did not know when we started dating or when we fell in love. The whole thing was really unfair to her. I love her enough that I do not want her to be with me if I, and our relationship, is the cause of so much pain to her.

Now I have no job, no wife, and no direction in my life. What I do have is a whole crapload of paralyzing emotions. I just don't know how to take that next first step. I am sure I will find the path soon, just not today.

Fourteen years is a good run
Alex and Jamie (10 May 1995 - 7 July 2009)