Back from the dead

I wasn't dead just really tired most nights when I got home from work. Alas, my time at the boat shop is over. I never liked working as a boat mechanic, but we needed the money, so I sucked it up and turned the wrenches. That time is over now; not because we have any more money, but for the fact that I was being cheated at work. I refuse to let people take advantage of me, even if those people are my supposed friends.

My pay had gotten leaner and leaner as the summer moved along, even though I was doing more work. I was confused. I trusted my boss, who was a personal friend of mine since junior high. I mean friends do not cheat each other, especially good friends! I work between 40-50 hours a week, but my last payment was only $150, it just dosn't make sense. I made $$ at 20% labor hour on the jobs I did. Labor was $97 an hour, I should make decent money. Last Saturday he was not in, and I was trying to determine how much I was owed. One job in particular stood out as odd. It was an engine swap and conversion to a long shaft outboard motor, to do this you have to replace the shift shaft that is located under the powerhead. That means the whole motor has to come apart. I did the job. On my pay sheet it said labor of .75 hours. WTF! I consulted the master mechanic about how much he would charge for the job, and he came up with about 2.5 hours. Paying me less than 1/3 was just crazy, so even in this ecconomy I had to leave. Fuck my life!

Now my hands are finally clean for the first time this summer, festival season is next week, but I don't know how we are going to pay the rent, or any other bills for that matter. I will try and be more dedicated to updating, at least once a week.

Alex

Ben Stein, Reason eludes you, your'e expelled for being dangerous

I was at the movie rental store last night and saw that Ben Stein's movie eXpelled was on DVD now. I actually saw that movie in the theater, I love arguments, and intellectual pieces even if I don't agree with them. I watch "the other sides" arguments to see if they have any merit, and to keep up on how the dialogue of interesting issues is coming along, even if most programming today is directed at people who already agree with a position than giving reason to think a position is correct. See Fox news, and MSNBC for prime examples of directed content. On a side note sort of along these lines I had to go to the independent small theater to see Religilous by Bill Maher, while Stein's movie was in the major cinema. That's what I get for living in a conservative part of the country, oh well, not too big a deal.

As I stood in the movie store I remembered expelled as being one of the most intellectually dishonest films I had seem in quiet some time, maybe ever. It is never a good sign when you compare and make direct allusion to those who disagree with you being Nazis, or the fact that well over 90% of scientist agree with evolution theory with the Berlin wall. Come on, good propaganda is more subtle Ben.

It is not the fact that Stein made such a terrible film, but the fact that so few people actually know how to make rational arguments. I thought Stein was a reasonable intelligent man before this film. This of course goes hand in glove with Stein's anti-intellectual contempt. Really, why is it that so many American hate those who received an education, those that might just know what they are talking about instead of going with the gut? America was founded during the enlightenment, a time when a major part of entertainment was debates, and going to an establishment having a drink and discussing contemporary ideas of science, politics and philosophy. I guess American Idol hadn't been invented yet.

It saddens me today that all ideas get lumped together in a smorgasbord of pick and choose, where all ideas are equally valid. A world where, "well that's what I believe" gets people off the hook for holding moronic and dangerous ideas. I'm not a superstitious person, and if peeps could somehow segregate their beliefs into religious (private, and not to be forced on others), and public (ideas that are used to vote on public policy) I'm cool with that. It doesn't happen. Nope, the religious want prayer in public schools and everywhere else, abortion made illegal, even though they know such a thing would lead to the deaths of many women, that we pretend creationism is a science, oppression of gays and women, Christianity is the only religion that matters, and I know I'm leaving other equally destructive positions out but there is a sampling of how religion is dangerous.

Even worse religion masks itself as an authority on morality. You think all those peeps fighting to have the 10 commandments placed on government property is innocent. Only two of the ten commandments are actually illegal in the U.S., and I guess I have enough respect for humanity to think we can come up with: don't steal my shit and I will not kill you all on our own. Yeppers, theft and murder, I don't know how we would have come up with that without talking snakes, and guys that walk on water. Thanks religion!

This stuff was plausible and even acceptable in a time before we figured out why it rained, and other natural phenomenon. People need answers to things, and religion gave the ancients those answers. We however know the truth; we do not have the same excuse. Thor doesn't make thunder and lightning. It is time we grow up, stop the anti-intellectualism, read a nice book, and enter into grown up conversation.

Ah I feel better
Alexandria

Frozen fish, and Richard Gere

After a hot shower, i think my fingers work well enough to type. My friend mike and I finished up early at the boat shop where we work today, and decided to go perch fishing. After months of Michigan winter, the now ice free Muskegon lake called to us. Unfortunately no one told the wind blowing in off Lake Michigan that it is supposed to be spring now, and the wind chill dropped a nice 51 degree day into a 20 degree bone rattling hypothermia inducing, hand numbing couple hours out on the water. We still caught some nice fish, and although cold was nice to be outdoors again. until my cell phone rang.

My old roommate and good friend from college called. Dave is getting his PhD in philosophy from South Florida (the golden bulls), but for the last few days he has been playing hooky to got to half a dozen spring training baseball games. I guess today was New York vs Boston, and he had VIP seats. In the Tampa sun, drinking cold beer, watching a game, while I am narrowly holding frostbite at bay in Michigan. I might have hung up on him in contempt if my thumbs had worked at the time.

The coup de grace happens when he says that on his way to get his sixth, yes 6th FREE pregame beer, he meet and chatted about the upcoming season with Mr. pretty woman himself Richard Gere. Oh and Reggie Jackson and some other baseball players I don't remember their names.

HeHe, I'm glad you had fun Dave, and I'm only a little jealous, mostly of the warm weather; but should you ever get tickets to Red Wings training camp and I'm not there you had better take that secret to the grave with you, or I just might hasten you there. I'm going to eat some tasty pearch now.

Love you Dave
Alexandria

Therapy, Gatekeepers, and Other Bullshit

I'm about to start with a new therapist again next month. Third one in three years. This new one is because of the move, I am not driving from Muskegon to Ann Arbor to see my old talky doc that is almost three hour drive. So I'm finding a new one; not because I really want one or need one, but these are the steps trans people take to get what we want later down the road.

I'm not opposed to talky docs in general, it can really help some people to work through their emotional baggage, but what do you do if you don't have anything to talk about? I know, "Alex your trans how can you not have stuff to deal with?" Well sorry to disappoint but I went through a real self introspection all by my lonesome a few years back. (when I had the drinking problem, or just after that I guess) I worked through any remaining gender issues I had, stopped drinking and using drugs as escapism, and in general got my head on straight. But somehow, NOW I need therapy and it is all the gatekeepers fault.

Gatekeepers: the well intentioned medical community that is more of a hindrance than an aid.

These are the people we turn to to help us live the lives we desire, we need, to be complete people. Unfortunately, the sad fact is that they think we are liars. Oh they smile to our faces, but a close observation leads to the conclusion that they don't believe us. Consider birth defects of the limbs and severe burn cases. A person with a malformed hand or leg is not forced to submit to years of psychotherapy before they can even get a surgical consult. If someone gets burned and no longer feels they look the way they want to look, they do not have to see multiple psychologists before they receive reconstructive plastic surgery. Yet these are the hoops that transsexuals are forced to jump through. They real question is: why the difference? They think we are full of shit.

I've experienced it a few times, the claims that others just can understand what it would be like to be transsexual. Seriously, there are like dozens of comedy movies about gender switches and the rather funny emotional distress the switch puts on people. So lets face it, people know what it would be like, and they know that it can be harmful to live that way. Why then the charade. The truth is that people don't believe the transgendered community. They either think we are confused, with some unresolved childhood trauma, gay people that can not come to terms with homosexuality, or just kinda pervy. Even those with good intentions don't take us seriously.

Because transgenderism HAS to be in our heads, they come up with a mental health diagnosis, and drop us in therapy, hoping to all hopes we might just snap out of it and decide to go with the gender that corresponds to our biological sex. I've met and talked to many a transperson, and the only ones that ever stopped did so so that she could put food on the table. I get it. Transsexuality is a hard pill to swallow when normalcy and conformity are valued so highly, but I would like to see just a little bit of academic honesty out of the medical community. Maybe its the money.

Therapy to talk about things you already know before walking in the door, costs between $200-$75 dollars each session, a few times a month for several years. $4800-$1800 bucks a year seems like a mighty good idea to extend therapy as long as possible. Hell I'm a wee bit jaded, but that a lot of money.

Look if therapy helps some people out or gives them a warm fuzzy, and someone to validate how they feel with a diagnosis, all well and good, but fuck Harry Benjamin for this one size fits all treatment designed after shoddy research. Therapy just costs me money and time and I am in limited supply of both. I recall spending 45 min talking about women in sports that cost me $125. *Sigh*

Off to do the bidding of the man
Alexandria

Civics is more than a 6 week elective

J and I had a brief stop over at the in laws tonight. I don't remember how it came up but civics being taught in schools bounced around our discussion for a bit. Apparently one teacher in the school where my mother-in-law works (she is also a teacher there) is teaching civics during homeroom. The kids learn about government no where else in the school.

YAY for no child left behind! So long as the test scores in math reading and science stay up, who gives a shit if Joe the plumber doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground. World history is not just the Boston tea party. The Pilgrims where not American. and Rosa Parks was more than just a tired lady who didn't want to move. You hear it all the time, people can't name the three branches of government, let alone the name of even three supreme court justices.

Lets assume high school still teaches civics to seniors for one class one semester. WOW! For all the bullshit reasons people toss around about why our country is the way it is, maybe not teaching the younger generations how the government works, what their rights are, and how things got to be the way they are could be a real cause behind the apathy in civic action.

We need to carry civics beyond school, and live them. Take the action we need in life to make our world a better place. Maybe I am more sensitive being one of the most oppressed groups in the U.S., but taking part in our democracy (representative republic actually) is all of our responsibilities. Take action. Take action even in small ways to be the change you want to see in the world.

Okay Redwings are about to start
Alex